Monday, September 19, 2011


Some of you are aware my home is in the midst of repairs. After a series of unfortunate delays, the contractors began two weeks ago. While at work on Friday, I thought the contractors would surely be done (or close enough) for me to begin the painting, cleaning, and order-restoring process.

I walked into the house, after work, and was excited to see the backsplash freshly grouted. Yay! It looks gorgeous! (Photos to come)...Except for the broken tile, the missing tile, and the unfinished edge by the refrigerator. :( My cabinets and countertops are installed but the roll-out trays in the cabinets are still not done. The 1970's spindles in the wall opening between the dining room and kitchen,I requested to be removed,were still intact.

Needless to say, since there will be more spackle involved, there was no sense starting the cleaning and/or painting process. Hubby, John, did take matters into his own hands by removing the spindles, and I was able to spackle the holes but aside from those small tasks, nothing else got done in my house. Our living room couch and tables are surrounded by the microwave cart and small appliances. I spent the weekend watching Nip/Tuck Season 6 on my computer, frowning at the upheaval in my home.

This morning, I woke up from my Julian McMahon-induced haze and shamefully realized that while I had valid enough reasons for not getting my home back in order, I had absolutely no excuses for not completing assignment 4 of my ICL course. Nor, do I have an excuse for not writing or submitting any short stories. Heck, I didn't even read my e-mails this weekend!

So after getting my morning work done, I Googled, "Self-Sabotage" and found this website:

1. Do you find yourself always thinking and speaking about the things that aren't working?
2. Do you worry about the future and what might happen?
3. Do you forget about all your accomplishments?
4. Do you feel badly when comparing yourself to others?
5. Do you believe you aren't entitled to what you want?
6. Do you feel something is missing in your relationships or find fault with other people?
7. Do you feel you have no purpose?

Then, you may be sabotaging yourself! While not all of these behaviors pertain to myself, a good many of them are present and in varying degrees. So, what am I going to do?

1. Instead of dwelling on the things that aren't going right with my YA novel, I need to change my way of thinking and start asking myself, "What IS working?"

2. Instead of worrying about what I will do if I complete the novel and can't find an agent or publisher, I need to focus on the present. I can't control or predict the future. I need to let go and trust that the Universe will take care of it.

3. Instead of dwelling on my rejections and badly written pieces sitting in my drawer, I need to be proud of who I am and what I've done. Obsessing about the lack of accomplishments is preventing my future success. I need to notice my small successes and compliment myself more.

4. Instead of comparing myself to others I need to find the qualities I like best about myself and realize I AM good enough.

5. Instead of feeling I'm not worthy of accomplishing goals, I need to create stepping stones, shifting my limiting beliefs, to make my way over the bridge to goal-accomplishment.

6. Instead of staying in my bubble, I need to cultivate connections and interact more with other writers.

7. Instead of feeling as if I'll never achieve my writing goals, I need to clarify what is important and what I want to contribute to the world.

Admitting there's a problem is the first step toward a solution. After reading about these behaviors, I think I'm more aware of what's going on in my head, causing my failure to complete the novel. I hope this new awareness will help end my procrastination and bring me closer to my goal of completing the first draft.

So, tonight after dinner, I'll put that coat of primer on the walls and while it's drying, I think I'll lay down the foundation of the bridge to accomplishment and clear my living room table so I can work on my assignment. It's a small stepping stone, but it's a good one.